Life goes on

I am receiving physical therapy twice a week in a special neurological PT department at the hospital.  It is an amazing place that has taken my breath away to walk into a room with people in rehab who are dealing with big, and I mean big, physical issues.  Head injuries, Parkinson's, strokes, huge life changing situations.  I feel many things when I walk in, knowing that those patients with bodies that no longer follow their commands could every well be where I am heading.  I am just a bit earlier in the process, just a few bladder, balance and swallowing issues, if by a few I really mean a lot, and by early in the process I mean that I received a diagnosis after 4 or maybe even 5 years of symptoms when many people with Atypical Parkinson's are often misdiagnosed.

I realize that I can not really live well and deeply if I am freaking out about each symptom, and about the list of what happens next.  Finding ways to normalize is immensely helpful.  To this end I have begun a stealth campaign by doing two little things:  I am placing books and magazines to the doctors offices and hospital lobbies.  So far I have placed Love, Medicine and Healing, Getting into the Gap (with the CD inside) and a couple Deepak Chopra books.  I have some old copies of Spirituality & Health magazine in my pack, ready for my next visit.

The other stealth project I have started is to talk to someone who is also waiting.  I spend maybe 5 minutes being totally present with them.  I listen deeply to what they want to tell me. 

Both of these gestures are little things, a book and talk; but I am very aware that doing these things are part of my own healing process.  My mother gave me a great piece of metaphysical advice when I was young.  I asked her how it was that she received so many letters in the mail.  She said, If you want letters, you have to write letters.  I figure I want to find inspiring books and magazines in waiting rooms and connect with others who are also waiting because being really sick can be a very lonely place and that I know that every interaction I have is an opportunity to hear Spirit speak.  If I want those things I need to create these things.  Write a letter, get a letter. 

Today I traced my grandchildren's hands and made "hand turkeys".  I sang the "Big Fat Turkey" song that my mother sang to me.  I got to see our daughter's new house, she and her husband wanted both sets of parents to give their blessings and of course we did.  This evening Chuck and I shared a wonderful meal and many games of dominos with our circle of friends that has been getting together for 10 years.   Sharing what is real, domino trash talking and laughing really hard.  I take a deep breath and count my many blessings.